Questions for internet dating
And yet most of us get online and wonder why it always feels so stale.It’s because YOU’RE making it stale, and you’re accepting stale conversation from others.See if you are guilty of doing any of the following. ” The crux of most email exchanges is taking something the other person did and saying, “Me, too”! ” Who would a woman rather go out with – the boring lunkhead who asks for her number before he’s had a chance to charm her, or the witty guy whose every email she anticipates with delight? And studies show that confidence and humor are the two most desirable qualities in both men AND women.Dear X (1) I just read your profile (2) and thought it was really great (3). Anyway, check out my profile (6) and see if you like what you read (7). There’s nothing wrong with a “Me, too” email, but how is someone supposed to respond? ” Establishing commonality is often a symbol of trying too hard to sell yourself. So instead of playing the blame game and pointing fingers at people who take a long time to email, or say nothing interesting, or write only one line, step up and try a little harder yourself.They scan the room, menu, and table setting, only occasionally making eye contact. The key to having a positive experience is relaxed conversation, and that can be helped along with some well-chosen first-date questions. Biggest clue of all: The salad course is punctuated by strained silence and forced small talk. Before we get to those, let’s review a few general guidelines for dating discourse: Listen as much or more than you talk. A great email will never make someone who doesn’t want to date you consider you, but it WILL tip the balance when someone is choosing between a dozen otherwise similar candidates.Who would a woman rather go out with – the boring lunkhead who asks for her number before he’s had a chance to charm her, or the witty guy whose every email she anticipates with delight? So do yourself a favor, Dwayne: stop beating up on yourself because she doesn’t sound interested.
Don’t be surprised when a chick whose entire profile consists solely of the phrase, “I love shopping, traveling and my dog,” doesn’t have a clever retort to your email.She played along and pushed right back and they’ve already got a first date lined up. “He was so lively and engaging that I sort of had no choice but to come back with something equally witty and creative.” “So by him writing something playful and interesting to you, he actually brought out a more playful and interesting side of you? Wouldn’t it stand to reason that if you took the time to write something interesting and creative back to these guys, you might discover that they actually have a personality?I asked this client what made this email exchange different from the other exchanges. I mean, from the majority of your emails, you sound really boring, too.Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not. The two pick at their dinner salads, staring down at the leafy mound before them. Finally, one of them tries to grease the wheels of conversation. Some people consider themselves skilled communicators because they can talk endlessly. But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part. Be more interesting, and you’ll never have to wonder if there was anything else that you could do on your own behalf.Seriously, my friend, this is a very do-able technique and I’ve helped hundreds of guys (and thousands of women) master online communication.If you’re going to write the same exact email as every single person on the dating site, you can’t be surprised when you get deleted quickly like junkmail. One is called Fun Fiction, in which you make up something silly based on a detail in the other person’s profile. You may think that this stuff doesn’t matter – that people only write back to the most attractive people no matter what.So if everything you’ve been doing in your emails is ineffective – if everything that comes naturally to you is too dull – what ARE you to do? The other is called Opinion Openers, where, instead of stating a “me, too” fact (You like Bruce Springsteen? ), you offer your opinion – in which your personality shines through (Hey, if The Boss is from New Jersey, how come he sounds more like Woody Guthrie than Tony Soprano when he sings? So while I will acknowledge that being hot and stupid is more effective than being ugly and fascinating, the truth lies somewhere in between.